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the 'Fist' & the 'Pacifist'
Though my soul may set in darkness, it shall rise in perfect light,
I have loved the stars too fondly, to be fearful of the night.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
The worst thing that can happen is to be awake at night without sleep. Every moment is spent grappling with the devil.

The mind is such a dangerous thing. It remembers all that you have buried. Piled with earth. Knelt and prayed over.

It mercilessly digs up the past, gnawing at your belief in the future.
Its malicious claws rummage the earth, de-weeding time.

And all you can do is to talk to yourself. To hum your favorite song. To recite a schoolboy rhyme. It doesn't help if you switch on the lights. It doesn't go away if you unclasp the window.

After awhile it degenerates into a decibel melee. Your voice - your little voice in your head. Indignant and scared. Trying to drown out a chorus of a million deep and deceptive voices. Deafening in unison. Frenzied in discord.

Then all that is left is to pray. Pray that the night ends and that sleep takes you away. Unknown to yourself... you pray for death.


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Saturday, July 23, 2005
"These are songs about people, who's souls are in danger or are at risk.
Through where they are in the world or what the world is bringing to them.

Thats a human constant.

Whether people are religious, or spiritual or not.
These songs are about that risk, that danger, people feel on a daily basis. "

Bruce Springsteen, about the songs from his new album "Devil+Dust".


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Subjected my self to one of these snap Quizes, in the hope of finding the answer to the Question "Who's the true me?".
Well, dunno.
Here are the results.

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be together with you always, no matter when or where.
With respect to money, you spend as little as possible.
You think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities.
The hidden side of your personality tends to be a little selfish. You only do what interests you.
You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.
When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you don't have any particular type in mind, but you are inclined to look for someone who will say yes when you ask him / her out.

Who's the True You?

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Friday, July 22, 2005
Devils & Dust

Got God on our side.

We're just trying to survive.

But if what you do to survive,
Kills the things you love?

Fear is a powerful thing,
It'll turn your heart black, you can trust.

It'll take your God-filled soul
Fill it with devils and dust.
It'll take your God-filled soul
Fill it with devils and dust.



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Thursday, July 21, 2005
Crumpled sheets of Heartbreak Hotel...

Tired, broken, drifter.
Teeter, reel and stagger.

Did you take my breath away?
A journey down a hot asphalt highway.
The Crystal gazers didn’t foretell.
Crumpled sheets of Heartbreak Hotel.



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Happiness after Tax.

I have weird sleep patterns on long hauls. Whenever the good flicks are on, I am invariably, deep in slumber.

I couldn't get the weekend in Bangalore out of my head. I felt happy for Megs. Her sparkling kitchen tiles, the rust color cushions and the Zen parked in the garage.

Urban. Professional. Happiness after tax.

A rectangular daari beside the sofa. The nightly movie on Cable. The domestic bliss of laying the table for dinner. The joys of haggling with the dhobi, over the bleached bed cover.

The husband who carried her passport size snap in his wallet, the house, the car and the dog named Boo. Her own little world.

"I don't know how to say this...marriage has made me very happy".

So, why the mindless sex in a car?




Mind Pills.


I had never been to a shrink before. I had seen it in the movies.
A black leather couch. Staccato Monologues. Tears, with the face sunk in your hands.

But as I walked back home, it didn’t seem that bad. The doctor was affable and didn't rush me. At the end of the appointment, he gave me a prescription for pills.

"Mind Pills?" I wondered to myself.

White plastic bottle, with the words "Mind Pills" printed in black. What's the color of the pills, I wondered? The color of the mind?

In most probability it will be boring white or something. And the wise men will drum their knuckles and say "its what inside that’s important".

I went to the chemist next, handed him the prescription. He didn't arch his eyebrow or lower his eye glasses. He just disappeared into the dim interiors of his shop.

I pictured him rummaging through a rack which ran for ever. Pills for pain jostled for space with Pills for the heart. And yes, pills for the mind, beside the row of pills for life.

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Tuesday, July 19, 2005
A Summer with Penny Lane...

In penny lane there is a fireman with an hourglass
And in his pocket is a portrait of the queen.
He likes to keep his fire engine clean,
It’s a clean machine.

Behind the shelter in the middle of a roundabout
The pretty nurse is selling poppies from a tray
And tho’ she feels as if she’s in a play
She is anyway.

Penny lane is in my ears and in my eyes.
There beneath the blue suburban skies,
Penny lane.

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Saturday, July 16, 2005
You can't start a fire,
You can't start a fire without a spark.
This gun's for hire,
even if we're just Dancing in the Dark.



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Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Table for three.

I arrived on a Tuesday morning, and called up Megs the next evening. We chatted for a bit, small talk really. I asked if we could do lunch tomorrow, to "catch up"? The husband if he had any employment at all, would be busy on a Thursday afternoon right? I didn’t really fancy meeting the husband.

Megs to my surprise said yes. With the promise of meeting for lunch, we said goodnight. A couple of hours later… a text.
"Hey. Hv smthng importnt tomw aftrnn, can we meet in the evng? Real Sorry…".

I texted back, "Sure, no problem!"

Yeah right! She was scared! If we met one on one, what if I made moves? Me…the serial public snogger. And yeah, "Real Sorry…!" Wish you had said that, the day you suddenly decided to get married.

We met at a Resto-bar curiously called “Linkin Park”. Hear this from me, only a place which peddles expensive lager and bad food, calls itself a Resto Bar. What’s a Resto-Bar anyways? A bed-cum-sofa?

We met at 8, Megs really did look gorgeous. Her hair framed her face, and her eyes were bright and full of life. Was I supposed to say, “You, looking so nice! You look so much in love…”? I kept quiet, saving it for never.

Aditya, the husband was a twat. A guy who nurses one Fosters Pint all evening, has gotta be a twat, come on…? Anyways, even if he taught blind kids Braille, I still wouldn’t be a fan. So let’s just hang it.

He tried patronizing me for a while. I think he knew Megs and me had a 'scene', before they got married. Maybe she "briefed" him in the car, on the way here. Megs made nervous jokes, trying to keep the evening civil. But after awhile it really didn’t matter, because I gave up all pretenses of sobriety and ordered whisky on the rocks.

After dinner they gave me a drop to the hotel. The hotel was on the outskirts and over looked a lake encircled by a pretty promenade. We bid friendly good nights, with the promise of meeting up whenever I was in town again. I stood at the porch, as they walked away taking a detour towards the lake. They had decided to take a stroll. They walked close together like a happy silhouette floating amongst the promenades fairy lamps.

I hit the bed, my head in a confused swirl. I keyed in a text for Megs,
"You were looking so nice. You were looking so much in love…"

Send.

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Monday, July 11, 2005
The Telegraph finds my blog "Wickedly Funny". WICKED!

My little blog and buddy, "The Fist & The Pacifst", was featured by the Telegraph!

An excerpt...

The Telegraph, July 09, 2005

Like Bridal Beer and other bloggers for whom the city is the backdrop, not the main story, Rohan Guha (http://rohanguha.blogspot.com/) is sharing a life, not the history of a city. But when Guha does do a "Bong post", it’s wickedly funny: "The whole hullabaloo about Durga pujo, simply put... is this.... for most Bongs it’s a one-week window to fix your social/love/sex life. The friendly neighborhood pujor pandal, is nothing but an exotic singles bar."


Yes I am thrilled to bits!


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Monday, July 04, 2005
Love songs like small whispers.
Drunk on a Sunday Night. The new week, a life time away.
I laugh to myself, the delusions of a little man.

You are asleep in my little town.
Maybe you think, a thing of the past, might not yet be over.

I thought about you on Suburban trains.
When I missed you, I closed my eyes in the river breeze.

Imagined Road trips, when I squinted behind shades.
Turned around to see if you were standing by the door.

When I had an aching head, I wrote bad verse.
On cold boat trips, I longed to hold your hand.

At parties, too bored to be happy, too drunk to be sad.
I wanted you by my side, I wanted to turn heads.

Polished guitars in show windows, I wish I had a song.
Flower shops under stripped tarpaulin.

Close to midnight, writing to you on white sheets. I finally realize.
All I ever wanted was a beautiful love story.

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